Howard Courts the Pro-Lifers
This should go over big
:Democrats need to reach out to voters who oppose abortion rights and promote candidates who share that view, the head of the party said Friday.
Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, told a group of college Democrats that their party has to change its approach in the debate over abortion.
"I think we need to talk about this issue differently," said Dean. "The Republicans have painted us as a pro-abortion party. I don't know anybody in America who is pro-abortion."
Heh, yeah. Let's see how this might go:
"Haaaa! How yew all? I'm How'rd Dean and tonight I want to talk to y'all about God, guns and gays. And abortion."
"God. Personally I'm in favor of him. Unless he gets in the way of my bikepath. Let's all remember Jesus told us to give more money to the federal government to pay for universal health care. And something about squeezing the rich guy's wallet through the eye of a needle, so don't worry, we'll raise their taxes much more than yours. But we can't allow any mention of him in our schools. However, Mohammed is an important historical figure, so we have to teach about Islam."
"Guns. I love 'em. Nothing I like better than crawling through the woods with my shotgun, deer hunting. Or is that my buddy John Kerry? But I love guns. Unfortunately thanks to the Republicans we do have a problem with terrorists. At any moment they might strike America, and when they do we may need your guns, so we want you to fill out this handy registration form when you drop them off at the local police station."
"Gays. What can I say? I love 'em. But Jesus did say something about hating the sin and loving the sinner. So I'm here to tell you tonight that I don't know a Democrat who's pro-homosexual behavior. And we're not in favor of gay marriage, no, sir. But we are opposed to any efforts to ban it. Basically we're hoping the courts will take care of this one."
"The same with abortion. If that's a hot button issue with you, I'm here to tell you that we're completely in favor of running pro-life candidates in Republican areas, as long as they accept a woman's right to choose once they come to Washington. So you do have a voice in the Democratic Party! The same voice those babies have!"
Y'all're great! Eeeeyyyaaaaaaahhhhh!